arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize