Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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