So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
