I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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