He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
