I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
