How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
