I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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