i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
