I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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