Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
