Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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