Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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