A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize