did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
