There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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