Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
