Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
