ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
