I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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