My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize