Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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