i just sent this text using only my big toe
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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