just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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