We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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