I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
