i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
