THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
