do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
either way he was missing a nipple.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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