I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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