Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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