Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize