She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize