Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
