FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
