So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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