He is an equal opportunity slut.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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