For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
