I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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