Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
