I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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