I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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