Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
