I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
