last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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