I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
