This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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