I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
