When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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