Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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