i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
