There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
