I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
