did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
