you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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