I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I enjoy the company of your penis
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
