Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
