I'm drive I can fine osifer
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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