Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize