the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
pray to the hookup gods
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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