listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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