I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
