So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
