i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
