I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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