Plan B is the new Plan A
Can Purell be used as lube?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There r osticjed everywhere
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
