He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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