did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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