Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
