A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
