Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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