In the future we'll all be gay
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
