i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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