You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
