Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This baby is an asshole
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I party with great urgency now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
