giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
