I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
