New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Congratulations! We have a period
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
