The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
