They should really pass out barf bags in church
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
